Dana for DUMMIES

Welcome To Land Of Potential Headaches

Some refer to Dana as her own species where her native soil is a life of habit.  What a mystery this girl is.  We are here to pull a Freud and unravel the mindset of Dana and look into her thought process. 

Here is a guide to help friends, family, and even strangers go through life encountering “Dana” species.

Chapter 1: Dana Eats

Instructions:

If you’re going to a meal with Dana, be mentally prepared.

Pro Tip: A surplus of hand wipes is recommended. Menus are dirty and you will probably be holding them for a while Dana figures out what she wants. 

~A memoir from Dana herself~

I have always been a “Plane Jane” kind of girl.  This comes from living in a world with a fear of “condiments.”  I like to think I’m a changed woman nowadays since studying abroad in Vietnam. Snake, fried snakeskin, rice wine (essentially moonshine), barbecued crocodile, and frog legs, galore!  ME. The same person who refuses to try ketchup or peanut butter, the most mundane of foods.  So…. should I try them tomorrow?  Eh, probably not.

Chapter 2: Dana Runs Errands

Instructions:

Make a list of all the things you need and let Dana do her thing.  Ten minutes have and you notice Dana in a comfortable squat in aisle three.  At this point her butt is so close to swiping the cold tile floors she may as well go full throttle and sit down. Her phone is in front of her as she tried fully investigate each option.  

Hint: Physically pick up an option and hand them to her. Dana always goes to friends for guidance because in her eyes they know best and would never lie to her.

Chapter 3: Dana Gets Dressed

Instructions:

If you’re getting ready with Dana, then you are true friends.  This is not a place to mess around; this is a time of business and patience.  There may be yelling, there may be tears, and there will be sweat.  As Dana looks for an outfit, she also has a room makeover and may get a solid workout in during the process.  Before your eyes, she will have created a new rug made solely out of her clothes and her arms will be instantly toned from getting dressed to undressed multiple times in a matter of seconds.

Important: Her favorite place to shop is her friend’s closets because obviously nothing of her own will suffice.  Before Dana comes to your house, and tries to convince herself that your body types ARE the same, so the shirt in fact DOES look good, here is a solution…

Solution: If you are feeling like a good friend (or an all around decent Samaritan), bring Dana three tops to choose from.  One should be fun and flirty, one basic and black, and one with spaghetti straps that throws out a pop of color.  

Caution: More than three options could end up in mayhem.